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Post by diva on Jun 1, 2020 10:09:27 GMT -5
Smile of the Day
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?" "No," said the little boy............. "It's a puppy!" *** kisses  |
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Post by diva on Jun 1, 2020 10:09:33 GMT -5
Smile of the Day
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office... When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!' (You're going to love this....) She said , 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark *** kisses  |
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Post by Silas on Jun 1, 2020 16:00:27 GMT -5
I thought this was special only for our camp.
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Post by Silas on Jun 1, 2020 16:01:13 GMT -5
Oh wait, I just realized it was never in our camp, but here. Oops.
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Post by Justinmon on Jun 1, 2020 16:04:34 GMT -5
They were merged so yall could smile twice!
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Post by chelsea on Jun 1, 2020 16:06:38 GMT -5
Lovely  |
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Post by diva on Jun 1, 2020 16:07:37 GMT -5
I thought this was special only for our camp. oh my I don't know what happen |
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Post by diva on Jun 3, 2020 21:21:42 GMT -5
  Fred and Mary got married,but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."  |
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Post by diva on Jun 15, 2020 9:04:46 GMT -5
I asked one of my co-host to continue posting the smile of the day while I was away but she been all up in a certain person's diary room can't even do her work Do you see why I call her flop  The fans have been missing my Smile of the Day so I will bring it back here goes |
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Post by diva on Jun 15, 2020 9:08:17 GMT -5
Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!" "Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." Sure enough, the very next Sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.  Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!" giggles  |
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Post by diva on Jun 15, 2020 9:12:29 GMT -5
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted,  "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted. giggles |
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Post by diva on Jun 17, 2020 14:23:18 GMT -5
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"  |
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Post by diva on Jun 19, 2020 11:05:19 GMT -5
So what is the funniest joke ever, according to the research? Well, here it is:
"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed,
so his friend calls 911.
'My friend is dead! What should I do?'
The operator replies, 'Calm down, sir. I can help.
First make sure that he's dead.'
There's a silence,
then a loud bang.
Back on the phone, the hunter says,
'OK, now what?'"
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Post by diva on Jun 23, 2020 11:25:43 GMT -5
I still find this funny..... Donald always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years Karen turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes ballistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years? " He looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy,
you explain the kids....." Thanks by Sexy |
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